Get Your Drag Queen On

Everything I learned about camp and melodrama I learned from drag queens. My hand to God, the theater degree I received pales in comparison to the grandeur I picked up from the “ladies.”

The mission of a drag queen is to make every day extraordinary. This is best demonstrated by amazing attention to detail. And most importantly, having fun with what one is wearing.

As women, all of us can’t deal with that much splendor day in and day out. We’ve got responsibilities. After a few years of dressing to impress you get a little exhausted by the process of beautifying yourself all the time.

Howevs, it is nice to turn it up and move beyond the perfunctory every now and again.

I would assert that drag queens can teach women a lot about reinvigorating their femininity. It’s not a look we want to emulate entirely, mind you, but the attention to a consistent look is astounding.

It almost calls to mind the days of yore when we dressed up in our mothers’ heels and pearls and pretended to be fairy princesses.

Why not have that level of fun occasionally?

The mission of a drag queen is to make every day extraordinary

When was the last time you had that kind of fun with makeup and clothes? It’s so easy to get into the hum drum deal. To think that you can’t afford to look sweet and stylish.

Ladies, I’m here to tell you that this is entirely doable in small degrees. Think of me as your not so drag mother showing you the ropes.

This is all in good fun, remember.

In many ways, you might say that I’m most interested in making the mundane sexy. You know those endlessly “traditional” tasks that we, as women, are supposed to engage in?

Vacuuming the living room.

Burping the kid.

Doing the laundy.

Etc… Etc…

While rewarding at times (the feeling of relief after you’ve vacuumed up the last of the hole punched remnants from your 6th graders art project)… I’m talking about making the mundane sexy within the context of a relationship.

In short, souping things up with your guy. Figuring out a way to call attention to tasks that others might take for granted in a creative and sexy way.

“Why make them sexy,” you ask. “I’m so exhausted, I can’t manage it.”

Why not make them sexy, I say.

“But why sexy,” you say.

Because sexy is inspiring!

Remember all the pilled up housewives in the 60’s on “mothers little helpers”- they figured out a way to have fun making dinner again… Let’s figure out a way to learn from them, sans speed.

Let’s take a cue from those Sex & the City wenches, whom for the most part, I have little in common with, but were right on about this…

We’re going to talk about shoes and their transformational presence when unexpectedly immersed in the hum-drum day.

Dinner duty is calling. Oh me, oh my… How many times do we begrudgingly hit the kitchen to make a healthy meal for everyone? Not a whole lot of fun in it anymore, is there. Especially when we’ve got all kinds of folks telling us not to do it, that it’s disempowering, blah blah blah… Ever feel a little torn?

Well, have I got a suggestion for you.

Put on yer frickin’ heels ladies, the next time you are making dinner for the fam. And not the heels with the minimal height a la Ann Taylor—rip out the FMS’s (eff me shoes) that have been sitting in the back of your closet that are for “special occasions” with the dude. You know the ones I’m talking about. The ones that have yet to make it out of the bedroom. Strap those fiery mavens on and go to town plating out a meal that you ordered from your local takeout (because there’s no sense breakin’ your back over a hot stove while looking hot at the same time, that’s far too much work).
And while you’ve got those FMS’s on, play it completely straight. If one of the kids asks you about them, just smile and say that you felt like being taller today.

Tell them you’re exploring the concept of Buddhist enlightenment and that monks are known to say that attainment makes everything seem an inch and a half taller. If the kid is a smart little whelp perhaps he’ll suggest, “but why are you in 5 inch heels?” Perhaps then you suggest that most monks are traditionally male and that you are at a height disadvantage to begin with. If you’re tall already and the kid knows something about height differences among different cultures/ethnicities, perhaps he’ll continue to call you out. If that’s the case, just tell him that you’re in the middle of this book and it’s completely rocking your world. Suddenly you’ll have so much time in the future free to continue reading the rest. I promise.

If your partner starts to drivel (which he will at the presence of the FMS’s in the real world) merely smile and refuse to respond to his questions and expectant stare. You are, after all, a woman of mystery, above all things. And women of mystery never give away their secrets. Women of mystery keep their cool. Women of mystery let the tension build until suddenly…

Making dinner can be an adventure.

This is your house after all, why not have a little fun?

Isn’t this how we all wound up with kids anyway… Moms have sex, people. Lots of moms have lots of sex. This is America. There are plenty of baby booms to speak to the fact that we are a nation that has sex. Even if it’s non-procreative.

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