Talk Less and Slow Down

Most women come to me when they’re leaving a relationship. It’s a shame that they seek me out when they’re feeling broken and unhappy and are willing to pay a professional to tell that what’s wrong with them.

So I do. And more often than not it has everything to do with defining what is sexy and what is not.

And more often than not, the number one piece of dating advice I give women is to talk less and sloooooooooooow the fuck down.

Newsflash: Femininity to most men equates with mystery. You are not mysterious when a man can tell your entire family history from birth to present after the second date. Save that for later, when a long term relationship is built.

Who needs to hear that crap anyway? Seriously ladies, you don’t have to filet yourself for someone else’s benefit. I think of a nice juicy filet mignon that’s been butterflied – a preparation that chefs do to make it cook faster. That’s not attractive. It’s good to cook slowly and marinate a bit beforehand.

Allow yourself the dignity you deserve and shut the fuck up.

Allow yourself the dignity you deserve and shut the fuck up.

And for all of you exceedingly intelligent women out there- don’t take the pitfall I did. Don’t give your dude more emotional credit than he deserves. Don’t kid yourself into thinking this dude actually WANTS to delve into your past.

Quite frankly, dear girls, men just aren’t as abstract as we think. We may think they’re following our processing but they are not. They’re usually reflecting upon the game that’s on TV in front of them. Most men live in the present. You rarely hear a man blaming his current failures on the pony he didn’t get as a kid. Not so with some women. They love to live on memory lane. They park their groove-thangs there so frequently that there are permanent ass prints in the pavement.

Instead of lamenting the past and sharing each trial and tribulation you have gone through with your new partner, how about keeping some of that fucked-up shabang to yourself and letting him see the current, powerful you? Does he need to know all that you went through to get you to the spot you are at today? Not at all! In fact, darlings, men find the past exhausting because it suggests that he has to go out there and do battle with yet another saber tooth tiger, which is, in your case, your fucked up history. Men are concrete, black and white, and all of the psychedelic colors of your past will not dazzle him but will only frighten and exhaust him.

Men like black and white. Other colors confuse them. And if you confuse and exhaust a man, he will not want to have a relationship with you because he can find dozens of women who are prettier, hotter and younger without listening to their “issues.”

Why do men love younger, less intelligent women? Because they think nothing, say nothing and share nothing. They are blank canvases to project the male fantasy upon. They are un-carved blocks in the Buddhist sense. They’re the ultimate studio audience for the average male.

Be more than that. You are more than that.

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