What Men Want

What are the top five important qualities in a woman according to “most men?”
#1 Confidence

The number one quality in a woman? Confidence. Why is Confidence important?

Confidence speaks volumes about the caliber of woman you are. Confidence doesn’t speak to what you want to be in the future, it speaks to what you are in this moment. Because of our structural and hormonal brain differences, confidence can come easier to men than it does to women. Confidence may be a bit of an uphill battle for most women. How unfair is this? Tell me about it. Here’s a little bit of research to support my claim:

“Studies using fmri scans have found that women tend to activate their amygdalae more readily in response to negative emotional stimuli than men do. This activation suggests that women are more likely than men to form strong emotional memories of negative events.”

Confidence speaks volumes about the caliber of woman you are

“Additionally, the anterior cingulate cortex- a little part of the brain that helps us recognize errors and weigh options, some call it the worrywart center is larger in women than men…”

“Hormonal differences also play a part- the main hormonal driver for women is estrogen which supports the part of the brain involved in social skills and observations and seems to encourage bonding and connection while discouraging risk taking and conflict… Tendencies which may hinder confidence. Testosterone, on the other hand, helps to fuel what often looks like classic male confidence. Men have 10x as much testosterone coursing through their veins as women do. It is thought of as the hormone that encourages a focus on winning and demonstrating power, as a hormone that leads to an appetite for risk taking…”

 

Additionally, the media portrayals of scantily clad, young women don’t exactly help either sex along.
Men believe they’re entitled to that standard of beauty and women feel challenged to obtain it in themselves.

I believe that we have become so desensitized as a culture that we don’t even realize we are doing it.

How do you fight against the landslide as a woman?

The short version is this: a focused plan using goal setting, affirmations, and the law of attraction.

Want to know more? Get some individualized coaching with me.

#2 Intelligence

This will come as a relief to all of the brainy, individuated women I coach. All of your work in school, corporate America, self-help courses… It all pays off. A smart woman is a dangerous woman- she’s creative, she’s proactive, she’s a force of nature.
I’ve always said that it’s important to be a smart girl first and a pretty girl second…

That a woman’s intelligence differentiates her for men faster than her appearance. Appearance is illusory, appearance is theater, appearance really means nothing in the grand scheme of things it is simply a matter of accessorizing correctly (boobs, lips, hair, clothes). The combination of intelligence and accessorized appearance is lethal to a man. If the head on top of the nice rack is intelligent, the man completely throws in the towel.

This is a call to arms for all of my fierce, intelligent sisters out there- figure out what you need to do to get hot and do it now. You’ll have a major advantage on the girls who are pretty first, smart second cuz you’re grittier and more powerful. You don’t have to play at being intelligent, you already are. Playing at being pretty is just part of being pretty. It’s an activity, it’s a game, not a priority. Pretty is theater, darlings. Fear not the lipstick and the fake tits. Not if you want an alpha male.

For help in this area, purchase some individual consultations with me. We’ll get you rockin’ in no time with some wardrobe consultation, symmetry coaching, and a good, healthy dose of reality. Don’t get precious with the details and make excuses. Get real. This is your life, isn’t it?

#3 Spontaneity

This is one that your friend, Maya Jordan, struggles with. I’m a planner by nature so being spontaneous is something I do when I’m drunk or exhausted or have my brain hijacked by a foreign substance. I recognize the significance though… Spontaneity is important.

Men have this view of women as whimsical, airy-fairy creatures who bounce from thing to thing like a deer in a field of lavender. Men think our lives are easier than theirs and that we’re able to be more spontaneous and fun because we’re not laden with real-world concerns. What a buncha baloney. We have plenty of things to get hammered by – the glass ceiling, pregnancy, kids, other people’s expectations of us. It can get quite exhausting just being female.

So where are you going to find the energy to be spontaneous?

Make lots of mistakes. Get your hands dirty. Try on some activities that are a bit outside your norm, whatever that may be. Color your hair, take a road trip somewhere you’ve never been, do some wild and crazy things to get yourself out there.

The word courage stems from the Latin word, “cor” which means heart. It’s true that courage is a state of the heart. Get courageous and your spontaneity will improve.

#4 Not a Gold Digger

The celebration of the hot chick spending someone else’s cash has got to stop. It needs to stop not just for the sake of attracting sexy, available men but for the sake of our own confidence and self-efficacy as women.

When one woman takes that action it brings all women down.

If you choose that lifestyle, do it knowing that you are selling yourself and do it with your eyes wide open. You are no better than the girl on the corner with the boots up to her ass. Prostitution is prostitution. You can dress it up as much as you want but that’s the reality.

Sugar babies, “kept” women, this is a lifestyle choice and a vocation. I applaud you for your efforts but don’t delude yourself into thinking you are more than you are. You are a pretty girl first, even if you are someone’s mama. End of story.

Get your own cash. Be your own woman. Play some Beyoncé and summon your inner diva. Go back to school and get a degree. Find some smart girls to hang with and adopt their world views.

As far as I know, there is no “brain implant” unlike boob implants or butt implants if you were on the other side of the equation, so for that I apologize. You are at a disadvantage from our smart-girl-first sisters.

Figure out a way to get yourself back, girl, before you wake up at 80- all wrinkly and pruney with nothing to show for your formerly hot bod but a pile of someone else’s cash.

#5 Laid Back

“With my mind on my money and my money on my mind…”

Sorry, I had to go there.

Ok, I’m back. Anyway…

This quality goes along with #4 “Spontaneity” with a couple of added plugs.

Guys don’t want to be mothered by their women as the majority of them already have mothers. Let him feel like he’s free to go at any time rather than ensnared in some spider’s web and you’ll have him hooked. Simply don’t care if he stays or if he goes – that’s my definition of being “laid back.”

“Laid back” also implies that there is a felt sense inside of you that things are going to be alright. You have enough faith in yourself to make it through the day, week, month, year. You aren’t adhering yourself like some sort of bandage to the man of your dreams. You have your own identity and interests outside of him.
In Summary

Define what kind of partner you want and then go about attaining the qualities that his dream woman would have- these top five. Get systematic about it and SWOT yourself out. You’ll thank me for it later on.
If you want an alpha male then you have to get systematic about being an alpha female.

Take all of this with a grain of salt. Don’t get caught up in the theater of it. Don’t personalize it too much. Just do it, as the folks at Nike say.

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